I test in the morning and I’m expecting the pregnancy test to show two lines, revealing that I’m pregnant. No, it’s blank. If I put on my rose coloured glasses, there may be a second line trying to appear. To confirm I take another test. How does everything we’ve been through and everything we’ve done come down to another pregnancy test? I’m willing the dye to cast over the line indentation.
“Come on! Come on! COME ON!”
It’s negative. I’m a little sad, but I’m able to cope because everyone says that five days post embryo transfer is too early to test. I believe this until I see six positive, five-day tests, posted on an IVF support page.
I feel my chest tighten and a heat wave rushes up my body to my face. It’s an intense fear and anxiety that it’s not going to work. It feels like something is chewing my chest from the inside out.
“I’m scared,” I say to my husband. I’m scared for many reasons. We just spent so much money and now we have to save for another transfer. Our life has been on hold during this process. I was looking forward to the end and regaining some normalise. Will we be that couple who tries and tries, but it never works? I’m over it! I HATE IT!
Catch up on my Progress so far – Progress #5 -Transfer