I have an addiction. To feed my addiction we have spent over one thousand dollars in six years. During our six year TTC (trying to conceive) journey I have seen it all. Evap’s (evaporation line), faulty tests, blank tests, dye runs, false positives, true positives, and negatives. SO MANY negatives. The paranoid conspiracy theorist in me thinks the manufacturers throw a faulty positive test in every 50 packs. That dye run will keep you coming back for more tests, to be “extra sure.”
My addiction has only gotten worse over time. Spurring my need to test was our miracle true positive. When I saw the two lines appear I was overjoyed, but feared the result was from a dodgy test. I took another test. Bam! Positive again!
Oh my God! Oh my God! We did it! While the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at six weeks, I’m still chasing that exhilarating filling of seeing a positive test. If we did it naturally and on our own last time, why can’t we again?
Searching for the high of a BFP (big fat positive) drives me loopy. Insuring urination intervals are longer than four hours and staring into the same test all day, is not good for the soul. My husband gets worried when he sees me pacing around the house looking for the best light. He encourages me to put off testing for as long as possible. He doesn’t want to see me ride the emotional rollercoaster of constant testing. Testing every four hours gives you enough time to be devastated, recover, and then be devastated again.
Despite my husband hiding tests, and not having them in the house, like a true addict I find a way. Mostly I bitch and moan until we go buy more. Avoiding testing doesn’t help. I obsess just as much and go just as crazy. There’s no way around it. I heard a fellow TTC’er once say, “I’ve spent thousands on fertility treatments, what’s another hundred for some tests?” Amen sister!
Whether you’re a pee in the stream, or a pee in the cup kind of girl, go forth and test!