I didn’t tell people about our trying to conceive and my infertility because I was ashamed. I didn’t want to be judged for my faulty body. Biologically a woman’s purpose in life is to get pregnant and have a baby. Not being able to do this made me feel unattractive and like less of a woman. I felt like a barren elephant that would be exiled from the heard if everyone knew I was a genetic dud.
As treatments progressed I divulged our struggle with a very close family member. I wish I hadn’t. Their lack of empathy and care has been utterly disappointing. This caused animosity and has fractured our relationship. Aside from pregnancy loss and unsuccessful treatments, this part of the experience has been the hardest and most hurtful.
The mention of IVF or infertility can make others uncomfortable. You might think your friend has had a personality transplant. They don’t know what to do, or say. Fearing they’ll say something insensitive, some distance themselves and act like you never said a thing.
My advice is, don’t tell other people. It’s not worth the heartache. Instead lean on your partner and deal with it together. Join an IVF support group on Facebook. I found this to be a great resource full of caring and knowledgeable women.
If you feel you have to share, select the lucky few carefully. Don’t have any expectations of those you tell. This will limit the stress and hurt if they don’t react how you had hoped. If you’re comfortable, tell them explicitly what you need from them. Then they won’t have to read your mind and you’ll feel supported.
I know there are supportive and caring people out there. If you know them, hold on to them. Bless them and show your appreciation.
Feature image – courtesy of BPD Treatment